Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
