We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
