Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
