friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
