FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
