9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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