I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
