I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
