Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
