tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
