I'm so fucking centered right now
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
