so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
