return my video game
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize