you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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