Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
