The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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