if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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