You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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