i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
