Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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