I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
