remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
