they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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