I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
