Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
