Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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