i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
