I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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