no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Congratulations! We have a period
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