He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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