What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You ruined the universe
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
