goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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