Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
