Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
