I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
