Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
