I wannas sexs uuuuu
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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