my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
