Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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