Your tits are I can't wait for
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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