I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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