I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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