Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Come see our sink grown plant.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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