Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
