i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
