My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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