He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
