My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
