Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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