Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
