my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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