Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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