You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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