The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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