Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
wow bdsm is so cute
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
