i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
