Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
