I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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