I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
