dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
