We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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