So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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