it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
